I run into this question as soon as I meet a new person. Everyone’s trying to make it out in the city of angels, so it seems like a good question to ask and try and network with birds of a feather as fast as possible. Well, it pisses me off. Small-talk is B-O-R-I-N-G. When someone asks me “What do you do?”, I like to respond with, “I do a lot of things. Ask a better question”. It’s almost as if we as individuals were meant to do more than simply work in our menial jobs AND let our 9-5 lifestyles define our entire existence. Here’s some suggestions of what to say when someone asks you the dreaded question that you’ve already repeated 3 times to newcomers at a party.

1.      Ask a better question.

2.      I do a lot of things.

3.      You know, funny thing you asked that question, check out this post.

4.      Chug a beer in front of them and make eye contact. If they weren’t interested before, they sure are now.

5.      Pantomime! This makes bars and parties fun.

6. What do you think I do? I bet you’d be surprised.

7. What would Jesus do?

While the question is going to come up eventually throughout your newfound relationship, try and put it off. Try and get to know the person before immediately judging them on their social status and salary. Don’t worry. If they’re a bitcoin millionaire, vegan, atheist, or a trust fund kid, it’ll come up sooner than later. Life is short and you’ve got a hell of a lot more to discuss. Don’t waste your time listening to small talk.

Got a good retort to this marsupial question? Drop a comment.